The Post With No Direction, Only Reflection

“Self-reflection is a humbling process. It’s essential to find out why you think, say, and do certain things… then better yourself.”

– Sonya Teclai

This post really has no goal.

I have started drafting 3 different blog topics and none of them felt right enough to finish writing them. The writer’s block is real.

In all transparency, I’ve had a rough week. I am exhausted and have no desire to write what may be considered a decent and appropriate blog post. I have a pile of dishes waiting for me as we speak. Work has felt like the equivalence of trying to run in sand. I am almost certain that Sahara is in the beginning stages of teething as my sweet girl is more like a sour patch these days. I’m always busy and it never feels like there is enough time in the day to do it all. How can I be a great wife and mother while staying connected with my family and friends, excel in my career despite how demanding it may be, and nurture myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually? I feel like I fail most days. Something always must be sacrificed. I must pick and choose and prioritize. Again, just thinking about this, I’m exhausted!

I’m in a weird space.

I am grateful for the growth that has transpired in my life recently, both personally and professionally. Motherhood has slowly become easier…or maybe ‘familiar’ is the more appropriate word. Marriage has its ups and downs, but I am blessed to have my husband. Work has been challenging, especially while still attempting to adjust to working from home while caring for a child. I’ve become more consistent with my blog, and I am proud of that because I know how much I push myself to keep going, especially on days like today where I’m practically falling asleep at the computer. Growth, it all screams growth which is great but at the same time, I feel kind of…lonely? Yeah, I guess I feel lonely. And not lonely in the sense where I’m constantly left alone. Honestly, I’m never alone these days. But lonely in the sense that I feel alone in my emotions, alone on this path and journey. Like I’m overlooked and no one sees that I’m drowning. Saying this out loud makes me feel selfish and unappreciative. There are so many people who want what I have- a family, a well-paying job, and a home.  And yet, here I am complaining and venting. I don’t mean to. I’m just so tired, drained even. Most days from 5:00 AM until 10:00 PM, I am busy doing tasks off my to-do list whether it’s promoting my blog, going to the gym, writing, logging onto work at all hours of the day because I am constantly interrupted by my daughter, housework, the list goes on and on.

Want to know what my dream rest day would look like?

I would love to sleep in, wake up and order take out breakfast with the most delicious coffee to ever grace my taste buds. After, I would book an hour massage and facial. I would probably fall asleep during both. Then I would come home and just sleep my day away on the couch in a living room that is dimly lit with candles, the AC on blast, a weighted blanket on me, and with Netflix playing in the background as I drift in and out of sleep. Are you still watching Love Is Blind?

Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

Lesson Learned

As much as I am exhausted, I acknowledge this season is temporary. I won’t always feel this way. One day I will look back and appreciate the journey traveled during this season. I know blessings are sure to follow. I am acknowledging that this season is causing me to feel uncomfortable because it is forcing me to grow and evolve. It is forcing me to shatter and question everything that I have ever known. Growth is beyond uncomfortable. The unknown is terrifying. It reminds you that you control nothing and must surrender blindly with faith. I welcome it though. I welcome the lessons that are forcing me to shed old skin. I try to remember that the lesson itself is not a punishment but rather a gift. I welcome growth with sleep deprived eyes closed and my stomach in knots. Which being said, it’s about to be 9 PM and I am so ready for bed. Sending all of you so much love ❤ goodnight.

Let’s do a pulse check! How is everyone feeling? Good or bad, drop below in the comments. I would love to hear from you all!

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Posted by

Like a lotus flower, I emerge from dark, murky waters to reveal my beauty. Feeling and healing on this journey of life; glowing and flowing. I have always loved writing, but it has taken me 29 trips around the sun before I had to confidence to share publicly. I hope my writing, which is near and dear to my heart, sparks light and love in all of you. Make yourself at home and enjoy the ride!

43 thoughts on “The Post With No Direction, Only Reflection

  1. Everyone seems to be talking about writers block at the moment. I’m so lucky that this hasn’t been a problem for me, I’ve got hundreds of draft ideas sorted ready to be fleshed out and used.

    It’s nice that you know what your dream rest day is, as I haven’t a clue. How often are you going to have your dream rest day?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haven’t thought about when it would actually happen. Simple things become more complicated when a little one is involved but I’m sure I’ll get my chance soon. Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I know this journey must be hard for you, but I completely believe you got this. ♥️💪🏼
    I understand the feeling of being in a season of growth & it being so uncomfortable, being alone in your emotions is extremely tough sometimes 😩 It will push us on to our next journey of growth. That relaxing day you described sounds so nice 🥰😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! ❤ I suppose the discomfort is necessary (rolls eyes lol). And I knew you would appreciate my idea of a rest day! lol thank you for reading and commenting.

      Like

  3. I can relate to and appreciate what you’re feeling right now. Good for you for taking a step back to acknowledge what you’re feeling. Hopefully, writing about it helped… if only a little. Offload the things that don’t require your time, energy or attention. Take the other things one at a time. I highly recommend dance breaks as often as necessary throughout the day. You got this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Writing definitely helped a little! Knowing that this is temporary has helped me push through. I’m looking forward to some downtime this week to rest up. And dance breaks sound so fun! I’ll try it out. Thank you so much for your kind words!

      Like

  4. I see you, Angie. I know what it feels like to feel like you are drowning, but no one around you can see it. They see you as strong and capable, and forget that you are just as human as everyone else. Your dream day sounds beautiful. I hope at some point, you can make parts of it come true. Hoping that the stress of life eases up a bit. Take good care 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “I acknowledge this season is temporary” – Amen to that. I am feeling all right, though I’ve had my iffy moments over the past few months. Enjoyed the post. Soldier on. Don’t give up. Every difficult moment will eventually pass. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I acknowledge this season is temporary” – Amen to that. I am feeling all right, though I’ve had my iffy moments over the past few months. Enjoyed the post. Soldier on. Don’t give up. Every difficult moment will eventually pass. xx

    Like

  7. Although it’s so difficult when you’re in this season, it’s always important to know that it’s temporary. Sleep deprivation really impacts me. Be kind to yourself. Thanks for sharing a very real experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “ One day I will look back and appreciate the journey traveled during this season. “ I think I needed to hear this and this had to be my favourite line. Sometimes we think that things are happening to us but they are actually happening FOR us. For us to learn and grow gracefully in our own authentic paths. Thank you so much for sharing this raw feelings and thoughts of being human. We all needed to hear this. x Penny | http://www.whatdidshetype.com

    Like

  9. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Angie. Understanding that all feelings are temporary is such a great reminder. It can be hard to see the positives during tough situations, and these reminders are so helpful. Sending lots of love and I hope you have a great weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Honestly, I have been going through something similar myself the last few days. Although it was not pleasant, it was nice to read that someone else feels like I do. Just know tgat it is temporary and everything will eventually be better.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. My youngest son turned 48 yesterday wow yeah, but reading your blog post today it just seems like it was yesterday that I was in a similar place as you, and to tell the truth when I think about it, I have no idea how I did it 🙂 Glad you recognize it’s just a season and it will change and get better. Thank you for sharing xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy belated to your son! Time flies, huh? I keep hearing that it gets easier, or maybe I just become stronger lol but yes, definitely temporary and focusing on riding the wave through. Thank you for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you so much for being so honest and open about how your feeling! I know plenty of people, myself included, will really relate to how your feeling right now. I hope this feeling doesn’t last long and you come out the other end soon lovely. Sending you lots of love & gentle hugs Xo

    Elle – ellegracedeveson.com

    Liked by 1 person

  13. you touched on alot of topics that I feel can be healed with time

    I say try mediation and yoga to let out some of the energy that may be blocking your chaka

    I love the writing btw, very touching and glad you being open wit all of us

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Taking care of yourself is so important. Lack of rest impacts us in many ways. You are in a unique moment and as I have learned “this too shall pass.” Enjoy where you are as you adjust to the pace of changes. Thank you for sharing this honest post. 😊

    Pastor Natalie (ExamineThisMoment)
    Letstakeamoment.com

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Girl, as a new mom myself I feel you. And my baby is good. Happy, content, good sleeper, good eater. I have no right to complain. But he does take up time! And right now, he is also teething!! I ‘m not even working and I still pulled in a thousand directions. It’s okay to feel this way. Life changes are always exhausting and uncertain and HARD. But yes, this too shall pass! Hugs to you. Loved reading your honest post, it’s the kind of blog post I love best.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exhausting is right! Sending much love to you as well, momma. Being a mother is no easy task, no matter how you slice it. Thank you so much for your kind words, and for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I can relate to many of the feelings you described. Your perspective that one day we will appreciate these days resonated. Thanks so much for putting your thoughts and lessons out there to help us all.

    Like

  17. Oh Angie, I am sorry you’re feeling this way! I sometimes struggle too with getting words out, and start on a few different articles. To then promptly delete them shortly after! Hopefully you can get some rest, I am the nanny to a gorgeous 8 months old and it’s tiring for me – I can’t even begin to think what it’s like for a mum!

    Like

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