Hii guys! It’s been ages since my last post and I must admit, this post comes a bit out of the blue.

For a while, I did not feel motivated or inspired to write. Transparently, life has been overwhelming and I feel like I’ve been trying to stay afloat with the demands of my career while fighting against the learning curve of motherhood. However, I am not here to whine; we can save that for another post. Instead, I am here to discuss something that is not often talked about in the community of mothers due to the shame and guilt attached to it- maternal burnout, also known as mom burnout. And although it may be an uncomfortable topic to discuss, it is so important to recognize the signs so you can seek the resources needed to recover.

What is Mom Burnout?

There is not an official definition of the term but let’s focus on the word “burnout.” According to the American Psychological Association (APA), burnout is caused “from performing at a high level until stress and tension … take their toll.”¹ Though typically experienced in the workplace, burnout can occur in other areas of life such as parenting, caretaking, and romantic relationships. So, when discussing mom burnout, we are referring to the state of mental, emotional and physical exhaustion related to motherhood.

Mothers experiencing mom burnout often report feeling intense exhaustion and disengagement related to parenting. Also, many moms report feeling inadequate in their roles, often questioning the quality of their parenting and shaming themselves for not being “good enough.” Mom burnout is exceedingly high in women who have full-time careers or who are without a co-parent. ² However, many stay-at-home moms also experience mom burnout and research shows that this is a growing problem. Two-thirds (66 percent) of parents described themselves as burnt out. ³

What are five signs of Mom Burnout?

There are many signs that may indicate mom burnout but the five below are some of the most noted:

• Feeling disconnected or isolated from others, including one’s children and partner/co-parent.
• Extreme mental fatigue or physical exhaustion.
• Feeling like you’re an inadequate parent.
• Inability to ask for support or state one’s needs.
• Experiencing mom rage⁴— being hostile or having extreme emotional highs and lows.

Do you recognize any of these signs? Not sure if you are experiencing burnout? Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Do you feel like you’re on autopilot as a parent?
• Do you feel angry, frustrated or trapped by your situation as a parent? 
• Do you often wish you could live a different life without the responsibilities of being a parent?
• Do you still feel exhausted after getting a full night of sleep?
• Do you feel shame or guilt about your current parenting abilities?
• Are you emotionally withdrawn from your children or look for opportunities to be away from them?

If you have answered ‘yes’ to at least half of these questions, you may be experiencing mom burnout. Also, here’s a quick two-minute quiz you can take to find out if you are in the danger zone. If all signs point to burnout, then it’s time to consider the route to recovery.

What are five ways to recover from Mom Burnout?

So, you’ve discovered that you are experiencing mom burnout. The good news? It’s a temporary and treatable condition. The method you decide to take will depend on your lifestyle and the circumstances attached to it. It can be as simple as taking a vacation to recharge or more complex as reevaluating your lifestyle and implementing changes that can help alleviate your stressors. Overall, there are plenty of things you can do to ensure a successful recovery. Here are five ways:

• Find your village. Good social support goes a long way. It not only reduces feelings of stress but also eliminates feelings of isolation. Whether it is your family members or fellow mom friends, it’s important to distinguish a person you trust to lighten the load of parenting.
• Identify your risk factors. Mothers who work outside the home, low-income mothers, mothers without a support system, as well as mothers from cultures who are more individualistic rather than collective are at risk of suffering from mom burnout. Recognizing your risk factors will allow you to interpret what is happening to you and place you on the right path to make helpful changes.
• Take your mommy breaks. As a mother, it is easy to feel guilty for wanting a break from parenting but how do you expect to pour from an empty cup? You must fill your own cup to pour into others which means you need rest and recharge. Factor in some “me-time” away from your children each week. Use that time to catch up on rest or to reconnect with a friend over coffee. Before your children, you were your own person, outside the title of “mother.” Take the time to reconnect with her again.
• Don’t compare yourself to other moms. It is important to recognize that not “one size fits all.” You must focus on what works best for you and your family. Different circumstances, different methods, all perfectly appropriate. Strive to parent in a way that aligns with your values. This will help you feel more in control and help make life feel less chaotic.
• Seek professional help. If mom burnout has you feeling increasingly depressed, disconnected, with little or no help, then it is time to seek professional help. There is no shame in the realization that you are not okay and cannot recover on your own. This realization is a huge steppingstone to the path of your recovery. And in actuality, it will make you a better mother for it. There are several kinds of therapy that focus on managing mom burnout including stress relief techniques that are based in building mindfulness and self-compassion. An online therapist directory can help you find a therapist best suited for your needs.

If you are a mother experiencing mom burnout, know that you are not alone and there is a community of mothers who have experienced this at one point in their journeys of motherhood. Parenting is ridiculously hard, and we are all learning along the way. You should never feel guilty or ashamed for recognizing that you need more help. I hope this article has provided you with the resources you are seeking along with the reassurance that this too shall pass. I’m rooting for you!

Author’s Note:

I can never say it enough. Motherhood has been such an awakening of a self that I never knew existed. It has broken me, stripped me of every belief I thought I had about motherhood, and rebuilt me into a person I am still trying to become acquainted with. Motherhood has been a learning curve with equal parts of joy, worry, and heartache. As a mother who works a full-time and often demanding career with a limited support system, I have often questioned if I have mom burnout. The question alone has forced me to consider ways to recover from these feelings of burnout, and this is what has inspired me to write this post. I hope reading this piece is as helpful to you as it was for me as I researched the various resources to overcome burnout. Always remember, strength comes from community. I’m happy to be a part of that, if even in a small way.

To my fellow mothers, have you experienced mom burnout? What are some ways you used toward your recovery? Would love to hear from you all! ❤

References:

1. American Psychological Association, APA Dictionary of Psychology, Burnout  ↩︎
2. Frontiers in Psychology (2018, June). Maternal burnout syndrome. Retrieved from https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00885/full ↩︎
3. Ohio State University, Pandemic Parenting: Examining the Epidemic of Working Parental Burnout and Strategies to Help Opens a new window, May 2022.  ↩︎
4. Choosing Therapy, How to Deal with Mom Rage, September 2023
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