“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning.”-Louis L’Amour
…where do I even begin?
It’s been 11 months since I have released my last post. If you follow me on social media, you know what I have been up to. But if you don’t, then I am sure you are wondering what happened. How can I even sum up the last 11 months in one post?? It’s crazy because I have so much to say but I am having a hard time articulating my thoughts lately. My life now is unrecognizable if I am being completely honest. All positive changes but it is taking a bit of time for me to adjust and recalibrate. This almost feels like a reintroduction because it has been so long, and my life now is so different. Okay…I’m dragging this out, huh? I’ll try to keep this short and sweet and just dive right in.
On February 15, 2021, I found out I was pregnant. I told my husband on Valentine’s Day that I felt I was pregnant after noticing certain changes in my body and appetite. And for some reason, I felt immense guilt as I sipped on my margarita at dinner. I couldn’t finish it because my gut was screaming that something was up. I remember telling him how much the thought of me being pregnant terrified me. I didn’t want to experience another pregnancy loss. Two years after the first loss and I was still struggling to recover from that grief. I wasn’t ready to possibly experience that again.
I took the test and initially, I thought it was negative. I was relieved. But then seconds later, the second blue line appeared forming the plus sign. In that moment, I was in disbelief. I just stared at the test with no reaction. I was pregnant and I was not sure how to feel. Days after finding out, the anxiety set in, and I went into hiding. Stopped writing and blogging. Stopped posting on social media. Anything that had to do with my brand, I stopped. That first trimester was rough for me. And not with the typical morning sickness and aches and pains that came with it, but every day I was so anxious that I would lose the pregnancy. Every day, every lack of symptom or presence of an uncommon symptom, stirred panic in me. I cried a lot during that first trimester, but I also prayed a lot. Every single day I prayed that the pregnancy would be normal and healthy. Every. Single. Day. Those days were very lonely for me. I didn’t want to tell many people I was pregnant out of fear of losing another child. I had completely isolated myself.
The weeks leading up to my first baby appointment felt like an eternity. I stepped into the ultrasound room with my husband, took a deep breath, and patiently waited as the technician spread the jelly-like substance on my belly. And there it was…my little chicken nugget, alien baby on the screen! With tears rolling down my eyes, I thought “wow, this is it. I’m really having a baby.” Hearing the heartbeat for the first time felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest.
In the midst of being pregnant, our lease at our apartment was ending soon and we needed more space with a baby on the way. We began the homebuying process, saw many houses, and even put in several offers but we were unsuccessful in securing a home. We were running out of time and decided to pause the homebuying process. Luckily, we were able to find a 4 bed/2 bath home to rent that fit our budget and we were moved in by April. During this time, I was also trying to further my career by becoming certified in HR. This took many hours of crammed studying due to delay of trying to settle in our new home but by June, I was officially certified and received an increase in my salary.
The second trimester of my pregnancy was the most comfortable and exciting for me. I was finally in the clear to share my pregnancy publicly. My belly was beginning to grow, and I started feeling the flutters in my stomach from my kicking baby. Morning sickness was a thing of the past (thank God!) and the pregnancy glow appeared. My husband and I held a gender reveal and found out we were having a girl.
The third trimester wasn’t so easygoing. As my belly began to grow, sleep became nonexistent. I also caught COVID and that majorly sucked and was super scary for me. One of my friends passed away in a car accident during that time and the grief took a toll on me. My demanding job was starting to wear on me, mentally and physically, as I worked long hours to prep my department for my departure. Not to mention, the pressure of prepping for a baby shower while dealing with the anxiety of making sure everything was ready for my baby’s arrival. The third trimester wasn’t all stressful though. My husband and I did manage to take a babymoon trip to the US Virgin Islands and that was amazing (please let me know if you would like me to do a blog about this trip)!
Honestly, the nine months of my pregnancy flew fast. My little one made her entrance into this world on October 24, 2021, four days before my due date. I’m a whole MOM now…wild. It has been an equally exciting and scary journey so far and I am taking it day by day. She is the most beautiful human I have ever laid my eyes on. Miss Sahara Eva, my daughter who already has so much personality and is feisty just like her momma.
I believe I am now in the mental space to start blogging again. During my time away, I focused on being present in my pregnancy and I am happy I took that time to myself. But man, I have missed writing and sharing with you all! And although I can’t promise I will be very consistent (after all, I am a first-time mom), I am excited to share all the emotions of my experiences in the past 11 months. So, in the meantime, please allow me to thank each and every one of you who remained patient in my absence. Everyone who has remained subscribed to my blog and the new subscribers who have stumbled across my site. To everyone who has asked about my blog, encouraging me to return to it. THANK YOU. I appreciate YOU. And I hope you all continue to stick around! Until next time…
Any updates to share with me? Major changes in your life during my time away? Do share! Would love to hear from you all ❤