“Self-reflection is a humbling process. It’s essential to find out why you think, say, and do certain things… then better yourself.”– Sonya Teclai
This post really has no goal.
I have started drafting 3 different blog topics and none of them felt right enough to finish writing them. The writer’s block is real.
In all transparency, I’ve had a rough week. I am exhausted and have no desire to write what may be considered a decent and appropriate blog post. I have a pile of dishes waiting for me as we speak. Work has felt like the equivalence of trying to run in sand. I am almost certain that Sahara is in the beginning stages of teething as my sweet girl is more like a sour patch these days. I’m always busy and it never feels like there is enough time in the day to do it all. How can I be a great wife and mother while staying connected with my family and friends, excel in my career despite how demanding it may be, and nurture myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually? I feel like I fail most days. Something always must be sacrificed. I must pick and choose and prioritize. Again, just thinking about this, I’m exhausted!
I’m in a weird space.
I am grateful for the growth that has transpired in my life recently, both personally and professionally. Motherhood has slowly become easier…or maybe ‘familiar’ is the more appropriate word. Marriage has its ups and downs, but I am blessed to have my husband. Work has been challenging, especially while still attempting to adjust to working from home while caring for a child. I’ve become more consistent with my blog, and I am proud of that because I know how much I push myself to keep going, especially on days like today where I’m practically falling asleep at the computer. Growth, it all screams growth which is great but at the same time, I feel kind of…lonely? Yeah, I guess I feel lonely. And not lonely in the sense where I’m constantly left alone. Honestly, I’m never alone these days. But lonely in the sense that I feel alone in my emotions, alone on this path and journey. Like I’m overlooked and no one sees that I’m drowning. Saying this out loud makes me feel selfish and unappreciative. There are so many people who want what I have- a family, a well-paying job, and a home. And yet, here I am complaining and venting. I don’t mean to. I’m just so tired, drained even. Most days from 5:00 AM until 10:00 PM, I am busy doing tasks off my to-do list whether it’s promoting my blog, going to the gym, writing, logging onto work at all hours of the day because I am constantly interrupted by my daughter, housework, the list goes on and on.
Want to know what my dream rest day would look like?
I would love to sleep in, wake up and order take out breakfast with the most delicious coffee to ever grace my taste buds. After, I would book an hour massage and facial. I would probably fall asleep during both. Then I would come home and just sleep my day away on the couch in a living room that is dimly lit with candles, the AC on blast, a weighted blanket on me, and with Netflix playing in the background as I drift in and out of sleep. Are you still watching Love Is Blind?
As much as I am exhausted, I acknowledge this season is temporary. I won’t always feel this way. One day I will look back and appreciate the journey traveled during this season. I know blessings are sure to follow. I am acknowledging that this season is causing me to feel uncomfortable because it is forcing me to grow and evolve. It is forcing me to shatter and question everything that I have ever known. Growth is beyond uncomfortable. The unknown is terrifying. It reminds you that you control nothing and must surrender blindly with faith. I welcome it though. I welcome the lessons that are forcing me to shed old skin. I try to remember that the lesson itself is not a punishment but rather a gift. I welcome growth with sleep deprived eyes closed and my stomach in knots. Which being said, it’s about to be 9 PM and I am so ready for bed. Sending all of you so much love ❤ goodnight.
Let’s do a pulse check! How is everyone feeling? Good or bad, drop below in the comments. I would love to hear from you all!
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