Sex on the First Date: Battle of the Choices

Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other.

Marquis de Sade

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free…

SHUT THE EFF UP. Take your opinions, place those opinions on a spiked bat, and shove the bat up your… *breathes deep* I despise this phrase. Why? First of all, it places ‘price tags’ on women as if we are objects instead of human beings. I believe I speak for all women when I say, we cannot be bought. This is not rent to own. There will be no owning, PERIOD! Second of all, it has placed unnecessary insecurities and shame amongst generations of women. So much so, that several women actually question their worth and wonder if they are relationship worthy. They wonder if men will think any less of them for expressing themselves sexually and allowing intercourse to occur on the first date. And can you blame these women for their insecurities? Slut shaming and other demoralizing ways of attacking a woman’s character has been the norm for decades. Third of all, it has placed rules on an action that comes so naturally to us all, men AND women. Why is it better to wait for date #3 to have sex as opposed to the first date? It’s not like you know that person that much more extensively. It’s still a short amount of time in comparison! Trust me, takes YEARS to fully get to know someone. And having sex on the first date does not mean that you will automatically get ghosted. Yet, these misconceptions continue to focus on repressing female sexuality causing many women to feel confused as to what is considered the ‘right’ thing to do. Don’t get me wrong- I am not advocating that all women should have sex on the first date. However, I feel that every woman is entitled to make this decision without judgment from others.

What constitutes as a date?

Personally, I feel any time that is scheduled with another person one on one with the intent of spending time solely with that person, would be considered a date. Can be as elaborate as making reservations at the top restaurant in town or as simple as Netflix and Chill (although this method makes it super tempting to have sex right away!). Honestly, there’s no rules to this shit. You’re attracted to a person, you make a move to hang out, then 9 times out of 10, it’s a date. But of course, if it is established that the hang out is solely for sex, then consider it a booty call…I guess. Oh, the technicalities.

You think you want to have sex on the first date…

You meet this guy. You both go out to dinner. He’s f**king beautiful. He smells good. His sense of style is on point. Conversation is bomb. He seems genuinely interested in what you have to say. He has ideas, input, SUBSTANCE. The chemistry is unmatched. And by the time the bill comes around and he automatically reaches to pay, you’re hot and heavy and wondering what it’s like under the hood. Go for it! I am a firm believer in energy. If the energy feels right, then why not? More often than not, sex is a strong indicator of the connection between two people. Sex plays an important role within any healthy relationship and allows intimacy to flourish. Making this decision should not diminish your chances of forming a long-term relationship, but only contribute to whether or not you could potentially see a future with this person. As long as the feeling is mutual and consensual, don’t overthink it. It’s all about your own comfort levels. And if you decide to take the plunge, I HIGHLY encourage that you use protection. You may know that the chemistry is amazing but you do not know him. Safe sex is still the wave sis.

You’re against the idea of first date sex…

Honestly, that’s okay too! There are many reasons why women decide not to have sex on a first date. Some women want to get to know the person a little more and build a comfort level before sharing intimacy with them. Some request that their partner get tested before sexual intercourse (smart!). Others feel that sex is enhanced once there are solid, romantic and emotional feelings towards their partners, so they rather wait for that connection. There should not be any form of reverse shaming for deciding to wait either. We are all entitled to making the best decisions for ourselves and our bodies and spirits, dependent on whatever circumstances. This choice should be yours and yours only! If you are not comfortable or have any doubts, then listen to your gut feelings. Deciding not to have sex right away should also not diminish your chances of forming a long lasting relationship.

My stance on having sex on the first date…

I’m totally for it! Every time? No. But there has been certain situations where I felt I connected with my date on so many levels and felt extreme attraction to this person, so I went for it. Most times I did not regret it lol. Other times, I ran for the hills and became Casper- the UNFRIENDLY ghost. Super ghosted. And I NEVER feel ashamed, whatever the outcome. I am a grown woman who enjoys sex. I am in charge of my own emotions and body, and I am fully capable of making decisions that I feel 100% comfortable making. When I made a decision to do so, I practiced safe sex and would regularly get tested. Granted my dating days are long gone now…someone found me worthy *insert upside down smiley face emoji* Just goes to show you, a decision like this won’t ruin your chances of finding love and commitment.

What is your choice?

I am curious to hear from all of you. Calling all ladies! Do you believe in having sex on the first date? What are some of your reasons behind this decision? Or are you completely against it? Why? I would love to hear some male perspectives as well. Do you think less of a woman when she has sex on the first date? Do you automatically label her as someone you are unwilling to form a relationship with? Let’s bridge the gap and start a real conversation about this. Looking forward to all of your feedback and stories. Stay assertive, friends.

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Like a lotus flower, I emerge from dark, murky waters to reveal my beauty. Feeling and healing on this journey of life; glowing and flowing. I have always loved writing, but it has taken me 29 trips around the sun before I had to confidence to share publicly. I hope my writing, which is near and dear to my heart, sparks light and love in all of you. Make yourself at home and enjoy the ride!

9 thoughts on “Sex on the First Date: Battle of the Choices

  1. I am definitely all for sex on the first date if the energy is right. You just have to be mature enough to know that you’re NOT lame for not feeling it & NOT less of a woman for taking the plunge. I used to be one of those that were concerned about judgement coming from all perspectives… “Is he gonna think I’m easy and ghost me? Am I less than wifey-material because I have a healthy sexual appetite? Um…. No! Human connection is a need for all of us, as long as we are safe… let’s enjoy what our bodies are naturally made to do.


    1. It’s like you’re inside my mind! I completely agree with this statement 1000%! The shaming against women, whatever decision they make, is beyond insulting to me. Furthermore, men don’t have to deal with the discomfort of this particular topic because rarely are they shamed for satisfying their appetite. It’s “animal” instinct as a lot of people like to refer to it. And cool. But as women, we deserve the right to make a decision like this without the judgement of society. Thank you for taking the time to read ♥️


  2. I was always told it was shameful to have sex on the first date, but I grown to feel like everyone has their own journey. Whatever you feel comfortable with is YOUR choice to make. Fuck judgement. I do believe if there is that connection then why not enjoy it on that level. I also, feel depending on the person will determine what I would want to do. If I would want to wait or go for it 😊 As long I respect myself & love myself…& I’m respected by the other than why not 😁💃🏻


    1. Girl, yes!! Respect is number one priority and if that person does not respect you because of a natural decision you made, then they are not the one for you. We have to stop the double standard at some point and step into our power and confidence ♥️ thank you for reading 😘


  3. Loving this topic, it’s a bit taboo and frisky .. right up my alley! Lol. : P

    I think sex on the first date depends on a few factors. Sometimes you meet a man and you want to feel him out before you’re intimate. Other times you may have an animalistic sexual attraction to someone and sex on the first date becomes inevitable. & Some men just exude BIG DICK ENERGY so maybe you’d like to see if curiosity can kill your cat and he can give you so much satisfaction you keep coming back. LMFAO! (Sorry lol, quarantine has my corny jokes at an all-time high.)

    Confidence is a key factor too. I think a woman has to be completely secure with herself/ her decisions and ready to ignore whatever negative feedback prudes may have about her sex life. She really has to embrace her sexuality and say fuck society’s idea of a prim proper lady, fuck my uptight family, fuck double standards and fuck negative judgments .. if I’m attracted to someone and want to have sex on the first date I’m fucking doing it!

    Overall, I say if you feel comfortable and the moment is right; Go for it!


    1. Yesssss to the big dick energy!!! 😂 love it! I completely agree with you! Definitely depends on many factors and ultimately you want to make a decision that you are not only comfortable with, but confident in as well. There’s no rules! Follow your gut, your heart, and the kitty cat lmao thank you for reading ♥️ your corny jokes are amazing! Lol


  4. Im 50/50 sometimes sex on the first date can lead to more than what some can bargain. If its not mentioned and that simba x nayla energy ain’t there. I say wait cause she or he might be crazy.


    1. Lol “wait cause she or he might be crazy” it’s true, you never know what kind of person you might be dealing with, especially how they may act once you do have sex. Thank you for reading ♥️


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