A resignation from a job could be compared to a break up in a relationship. Most times, it is because you have found something ‘better.’ Other times, it cannot be worked out and you call it quits. I am the latter. And no, I don’t have another job lined up. And yes, I am freaking out. Don’t try this at home, kids. I’m pretty sure a lot of you will think of this as irresponsible. You are probably thinking that it could not have been that bad. Oh, but it was…is. When a situation is so toxic to the point that it begins to affect your mental health and well-being, guess what? It HAS gotten that bad.
Just three days ago, after much thought, I put in my three weeks’ notice. My official last day will be August 9th. It is possibly the scariest decision I have ever made in my life but I stand firmly in my decision. I am sure I will receive a lot of backlash because of it, especially from my family. But if there is anything I have learned in this incredibly difficult year, it is that my peace of mind and happiness comes first. Never again will I allow myself to lose sleep, shed tears, or increase my anxiety over something as temporary as a job. Because let’s face it, at the end of the day, no one is ever really secure. You can be fired the next day, without reason or explanation, especially in FL which is an at-will state. This decision has been weighing heavy on my heart for the past few months. It has been a constant internal struggle, deciding to go with my heart and what has been conditioned in my brain as the ‘right’ thing to do. The past couple of weeks have gotten progressively worse. Some nights with only 2 hours of sleep and waking up with a heavy sense of dread and anxiety for the work day that lies ahead. Walking on eggshells, anticipating my next failure because I cannot seem to do anything right. My lack of confidence after so much negative feedback. Last week was a deciding factor, where I left my job feeling completely defeated and frustrated; crying hysterically in the car on the way home. In that moment, I decided I had enough. I took the next day off to clear my head. I took some time over the weekend to pray on it. Each time the voice screamed louder, my intuition led me- it’s time to pull the plug. And so I did.
Although I do not get along with my superiors, I still showed them the courtesy of respect. I requested a meeting. I decided I would give a three week notice because of how high priority my position is, that way they have time to find a proper replacement to take over the workload. I explained to them that I have not been happy here and my mental health takes precedence. I thanked them for the opportunity of growth and all of the opportunities to become more skilled. This felt important for me to do. I wanted to leave with dignity. But most importantly, I do not believe in burning bridges. I am one of those people that actually feel guilty for leaving a position, even though I am sure I’m disposable to them. My conscience is clear. During my last weeks, I will still work my hardest to ensure all loose ends are tied. Again, with dignity.
Now you’re wondering how the hell am I going to afford my bills and such? Luckily, I made this decision knowing that I have savings to cover at least a few months of my expenses. I strongly suggest for anyone in a situation similar to mine, to make sure you have gone over your finances before you make a final decision. I will be cutting off certain ‘luxuries’ in this transition. Job hunting is still in full effect. Will do side gigs to keep some kind of income coming in. The rest I place my faith in God and myself. Something will come along in my benefit. God has always come through for me and this time is no different. But in the meantime, I will focus on a much needed break. EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
I have no idea what I am going to do with all of this free time lol. I’m used to being busy and never having time to myself, so this will be a nice change. I can finally work on the loft area and finish turning it into a creative space. I will have more time to dive into my writing. More time to cook, exercise, paint, swim…clean lol. I also have my trip to Hawaii coming up, which thankfully, I have saved money separately from my savings for that. More importantly, I will be able to give myself the time, love, and attention I deserve. I have gone through a lot this year that I have not fully processed or healed from yet. In the end, I’ll be just fine. My gut tells me so.
To anyone who is miserable at a job, you owe it to yourself to find better. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for that, or for any toxic situation for that matter. Life is WAY too short, trust me. Stand in your power and know that you deserve better. I would suggest finding a job first, of course. But if you feel like you can’t hold on anymore, then make sure you come up with a plan like I have. Know that everything is going to be okay and it is temporary. Know that there is a rainbow after the end of a storm. To me, this is just another door opening to my path of happiness and self discovery. I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned up to this point, for the growth. The strength. The bravery. Never would I have imagined that I would make a decision like this in my life. Fear usually paralyzes me. But after everything I have gone through this year alone, I have nothing to fear. AT ALL. I’m proud of myself for taking the necessary steps for my well being, despite the opinions of others. I am prepared to take on this next challenge. I got this. Whatever it may be, we all got this! Stay easy friends and say a prayer or two for me, please ❤